Pain, Pain, Pain

Wow. My blog is still here. Perhaps I should use it, you think?

I am so very tired of back pain. I've had problems with my back for over 20 years, but for the last 2 or 3 years, it's been a daily thing. On 9/22/05, as I was running errands around town, I noticed that my back was "creakier" than usual, but then, BAM! I was down for the count. By that evening, I couldn't move without severe pain. It lasted about three days before it began to ease off. I couldn't even dress myself. I finally regained mobility, but not much...since then, I am unable to stand or walk for more than 30 minutes. The pain sidelines me; I don't have a choice---I MUST sit down, and now, after I sit down, it takes a while before the pain eases. So, I haven't worked since 9/22/05.

Now, wouldn't it be nice if you could just call a surgeon, tell him you think you need surgery, and get an appointment? Yeah, it sure would. But you can't. You have to jump through hoop after hoop to get there. I'd love to tell all my doctors to try walking a mile in my shoes...because I sure can't.

So, even though the pain on that first day was emergency-room BAD, I knew better than to take that route. From previous experience, I knew that I was likely to have to sit in the waiting room for hours and hours; then they would take me back, dope me up, take a few xrays, and then send me home and tell me to call my doctor. So I skipped all that and called my doctor and asked her to order a new MRI for me, since the last one was 8 years ago. She complied, and told me also to get in touch with my pain management physician.

Yeah. It took a week to get in for the MRI, and three weeks to get in to the pain management doc's office for what turned out to be a new consultation. It took another couple of weeeks to get back in for an epidural injection in my back, with a followup 3 weeks after that. Well, the shot didn't work this time; three weeks later when I went back, they FINALLY set me up with a surgeeon. That appointment was for December 1. Okay, we're at almost 2 and a half months of not being able to work.

So, I see the surgeon on Dec.1, delighted to be there because I thought I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Except---the tunnel got longer. Before he would operate, he wanted two more rather nasty tests. First, a myelogram, which involves piercing the spinal cord, removing spinal fluid and injecting dye which gave me a hellacious headache. They took a bunch of xrays and then did a CT scan. BTW, this appointment was on 12/16. So, at that point, I have one week left of my 12 week FMLA leave, during which I continued to receive my full salary. Now for the second test...which I haven't had yet! The discogram (which is not a dancing telegram, BTW) is scheduled for 1/13. So now, I'm on long-term disability leave at 60% of my salary, one hell of a pay cut, but at least it's something, and I'm congratulating myself for having elected to have payroll deductions for LTD.

So, the discogram promises to be a fun event (that dripping sound you hear is sarcasm). That's when they will insert needles directly into 3 disks in my back to see which ones hurt (or make me scream the loudest?). Then dye will be injected into them and more xrays and another CT scan will be done. Then I see the surgeon again on 1/17.

Folks, that is FOUR MONTHS of being unable to work, when I knew right from the start that it was time for surgery. I'm also supposed to see an osteopath, which is just a chiropractor with a fancier title. In the meantime, the stress is trying to kill me. I got so many phone calls from work between Thanksgiving and Xmas with complaints and problems that I could NOT help with that my BP shot up to 180/110. I finally told them to STOP CALLING ME...but of course, they didn't. The store went straight to hell, and once I get back, it will probably take a couple of years to regain the business that was lost. I've been to the store; it is an unholy MESS, and inventory is next week. My regional is sending people down from other stores to do a cleanup, but I don't think it's going to be enough...and I can't help. So now I'm on blood pressure medication.

Let me tell ya...if the surgeon says "let's try one more thing", I'm going to tell him NO. Just operate and be done with it; I have a life that I'd like to get back to. I want to go back to work, I want to be able to take brisk walks to improve my cardiovascular system and lose weight, I want to be able to pick up a few things at the grocery store without being in pain before I'm done. I want NOT to have to take blood pressure meds, NOT to take pain meds. Yesterday I finally asked my doc for Oxycontin, which I am not happy about, but I really neeeeed some relief.

I guess we'll see.